Nothing says I love you like a 10K

Today I feel in love with running all over again.  No it wasn't a marathon or even a half, but it was just about the most perfect 10K I could have dreamed of (except maybe with a faster time...). After a long week and a busy weekend with about 10 hours of sleep total, I dragged my butt out of bed at 6AM (on my day off) to run.  If that doesn't say 'I love you' what does? 

I picked up my race bib, packet, and time chip around 7 and hung around for the 8:00 start.  I turned pandora on and off I went.  Now a 10K is only 6.2 miles, but no matter what distance I run, I always find the first 1-2 miles to prove a little difficult.  Today's race was no exception.  I started off slower than usual and really focused on enjoying the pace that I was running at.  And to make things better, I didn't time myself by the mile markers taking off a lot of pressure. 

To make a long story short (or 1:00:57 - my time), I thoroughly enjoyed every aspect of the race today.  The weather was beautiful, the crowd energizing, and even the hills didn't seems so bad.  Maybe it was the negative splits or maybe the runner's high but by the end of the race, I was in love with running again. 

It felt good to remember the feel of the pavement, the excitement of the crowd, and pushing through any discomfort.  It felt amazing to let all the work things and boy things and family things go and just run.  I was spending time with myself and I had no cares in the world. And who doesn't love that?

What do you mean I write a blog?

Well that's exactly what I thought too when I was scrolling through my bookmark list on the internet. Why not update the whole world wide web on my whereabouts, misfortunes, and shortcomings?  In other words, I turned 25.  Now to most, this is a non-monumental age where life goes on.  For me, I panicked and had a quarter life crisis.  Dyed my hair, moved from my apartment, bought a new car, and got a tattoo...well the tattoo is coming - hasn't quite happened yet.  Anyways, I guess maybe 25 just brought about some necessary change in my life.  And why not happen all at once I suppose. Here's what 25 has taught me so far:

1. No matter how old you are in numbers, you still may not be mature.  I've dealt with those who SHOULD act a little older, but they don't.

2. If you love your job, you'll ever work a day in your life. This one makes me lucky.

3. You have to learn to let things go...easier said than done and still too fresh to get into.

4. Cherish the time you have and spend with your family. They're your life line and support system and I'd be no where without them. 

5.  Sometimes your family are not just the people related to you by blood, but the people who stick by your side no matter what happens. 

6. A dog's love is unconditional.  Thank God for that.

7. Running is a gift.  And it should be treated as such.

8.Life goes on.  It may hurt like hell, but you'll get past the dark days too...I mean your track record for getting through bad days is 100%...

Love. 

Pre-dating Dumped...(I really hope he doesn't see this)

It all happened on a Wednesday night.  I was out to dinner with Britney when it happened.  A few hours or so and I hadn't checked my phone. I glanced down to see what was going on (because Britney was looking something up) and I saw a missed call and voice mail.  This is strange considering mostly we just text with the occasional phone call (mostly when I'm drunk).  And boy, did it stop me in my tracks.  I have to say, he is a great guy and very cordial, being honest when many would have lead me on or even used me in this situation.  But talk about a voice mail.  After listening to it, I faked a stomach ache and headed home (dinner was over anyway) or more like headed to Melissa's for clarity and drinking...

I'm sure we've all been in the position where we have began a relationship or at least talked about beginning a relationship or better yet, discussed the possibility of a relationship.  Which mostly goes like "Hey, I like you, what do you think about that?"  To which a response is either "Yea, let's date..." or "Well you're a really great person, BUT..." to which I have received the latter.

In a sense, having a crush on someone is fantastic.  You think about them all the time, talk to them all the time, and generally hang out with them all the time.  Crushing on someone is great because you get to know someone and you realize why you like them in the first place. Being Crushed by someone is completely different.  While I know that telling someone you don't have the same feelings for them is incredibly hard (because yes, I have been in this position too), it definitely has some rough effects when you are on the receiving end.

In my case, I had been honest and upfront with my crush, letting him know how I felt (not without much difficulty) and trying to figure out what my feelings were and meant.  A few weeks later he was honest with me too. And though I appreciate his feelings (or lack thereof), I find myself somewhat disheveled.  In a way, I was sort of expecting the response, but hearing it aloud, makes it totally different and life like.  Knowing that you feel for someone and they don't feel for you (or at least in the same way) is extremely hard.  Not to mention, where does the relationship go from here?  Do we remain friends (I mean, that's all we've always been - nothing different) or do we displace the relationship all together?

So what do I do? I took two days (a reasonable amount of time for a non-dating relationship) to cry and drink about it and get the hell over it. Maybe I rushed it or didn't give myself enough time, but I decided that I can be mature and look at this as an opportunity of growth and to start a new chapter.  Not always easy, but why not preserve the friendship?  I mean honestly, we're two grown adults who have the ability to be honest with each other and not let it affect what happens.  Why not?  Maybe I'm crazy...maybe I'm still dealing with it all...who knows.  But as far as pre-dating dumped goes, it sucks.  Hopefully the friendship can still be preserved....

I'll keep you posted.

Fake It Til You Make It

If I've learned anything over these past 8 months after grad school, it's that life does not always go according to plan.  In 8 months, I've held two different jobs, lived in (essentially) three different places, lost relationships, made relationships, cried a whole hell of a lot, and well you can see the list goes on.  

I didn't know exactly what life post-grad school would like, but I certainly didn't imagine it to be like this. I love working - it gives me that sense and feel of accomplishment, not to mention that I have the opportunity to help people better themselves.  I love spending time with my friends and family - everyone needs that support system (especially on those terribly, awful, yucky very bad days).  I even love that I'm figuring out who I am again and what I really want from  life.

The past few months (and even days) I feel like I've been drowning.  There's nothing to hold onto - no goals to work towards; nothing to keep me motivated.  I've gotten to the point where running and working out has become a minimal occurrence.  That was the kind of thing that used to drive me. For a while, I've been feeling like I've slipped through the cracks and I'm doing everything in my control to keep hanging on.  Life is much busier, much harder, and more unfair than I had anticipated.  Where are the college classes that teach you how to manage your finances (loans, bills, pay checks, etc.)?  Where were the classes that taught you how to manage with the stress, anxiety, or depression that sets in on your doorstep when you enter the real world?  These were just a few of the things that I was unprepared for. 

Finally, after some time, I feel I'm getting acclimated to the expectations and demands forced upon me as a working adult.  And somehow I'm starting to manage it all and beginning to find time for myself again. I was reminded this weekend that "Even on the really bad days, you know the ones where you feel like you can't go on? Well, I just have to look and think my track record with bad days is 100% and that's a pretty good record..."  In other words just fake it til you make it.  Eventually things can only get better.

Running Ragged

To be honest, I kind of forgot I had a blog for awhile.  Maybe not so much forgot, as blatantly ignored.  It's hard to imagine that it's July and nothing is really as I thought it would be just a few months ago (or probably even my last post).

For instance, not only I have passed my boards (that's right, I'm official!!!) and earned those last four important letters behind my name (OTR/L), but I managed to get and quit my first job and start a whole new one.  Not only that, but I moved into a new apartment (with people I don't know), moved out of my mom's house, pretty much stopped running, and am kind of living a whole new life from anything I knew in school.

Out of everything I just mentioned, you know what really bothers me the most? The running part. I read over some posts from the past year and I was crazy in love with the sport. And now? I'm lucky to be logging 10-20 miles a week. Not to mention the i-word.

Marathon training started this week and I've already been slacking.  So time to pick up the pace a little bit (pun intended).  Last summer, I was so disciplined and determined.  I remember dragging myself out of bed at 6AM on Saturday mornings to get in 16, 18, and 20 mile runs before the scorching heat. And I absolutely loved every minute of it.  I miss having that passion and drive to do something like that.  It was incredibly euphoric.  I just want to love running again.

As for the i-word: I'm not sure if it's a bone spur or plantar fasciitis, but it's gotten to the point where I have to get my foot checked out.  I'm nervous because usually there comes some typical response of "no running for x amount of weeks".

Not sure what to make of it all.  But I'm lacing up tomorrow and hopefully that'll be the first step in getting ready for some fall races.

Snow Day

Happy Snow Day everyone! One of the most glorious things about living in Virginia is that there are four seasons.  And since we're too southern to spend a lot of money on snow and too northern to not get snow it equals out into a beautiful, perfected day off of work. 

Yes, that's right.  My work is closed because of the weather.  It's kind of awesome since I've been working over 50 hour weeks.  I'm definitely taking today to rest and just enjoy the time with my sisters.  Not to mention drinking lots of coffee and hot cocoa, watching life time movies on repeat, and probably spending way too much time on the internet.  

What a perfect little break.  

Ready to Run

Holy smokes, it's February.  It was kind of like "Merry Christmas, Happy New Year", a quick blink of an eye and all of a sudden we're in month number 2.  What? Yea, I know.  It's a little crazy.

There's been a lot going on recently, which I've shared in my previous post.  So I actually started my job this past week at Fox Speech Therapy in Fredericksburg.  It was a slow week since the office hadn't quite moved into the new building.  There's no space at the old location so instead of seeing clients, I mostly observed the other OT, did some clerical work, packed & moved things, and scored some assessments.  It was a slow week, but still a good one.  In fact, it was kind of nice being eased into the job rather than jumping in with both feet.

At times, I still feel a little unprepared for this job.  Am I really qualified to work with kids?  Do I really know all my stuff?? Which of course, I do, it's just kind of scary to be responsible for somebody else's well-being. All in all, I did get to treat a client or two and I feel pretty confident that I am in the right place.  This week will really get kicking since we moved into the new office and I'll finally have my own caseload.  Holy Smokes, I'm an adult...wait, what?  Yea.

It kind of snuck up on me, but you know, worse things could happen.  That's pretty much it from the professional side of my life.

As for the running (and most important) side of things, I have exciting news!  Saturday morning I let myself sleep in - no alarm for running. When I did wake up, I laced up my shoes, set my GPS, and took off for what I thought would be a friendly 12 miler.  Around mile 6, I felt pretty good.  Even through all the hills I felt like I could definitely run at least a half marathon distance.  I kept going. And going, and going, and going.  I literally felt like I could fly.  I had no aches or pains and felt like I could go on forever.  So I did.  In fact, 16.5 miles later, the only reason I stopped was because my GPS/music was dying. It was fantastic to not only run so far and for so long, but to feel on top of the world while doing it.  It's been a while since I had a fabulous run like that.

Then I ran a quick 8.5 this morning.  Funny how 8.5 miles seems so short compared to a 2 1/2 hour run huh?

All in all, this weekend was very successful.  I'm gearing up for a half marathon in Disney World, but I definitely think I'll be ready.  Happy Running!

The inevitable

"Day by day nothing seems to change, but pretty soon, everything is different."

There has been a lot going on in my life lately to say the least.  And of course that's expected since I haven't blogged, in oh, a million days. 

Things that haven't changed:
-running a gazillion miles a week
-working to earn that dough
-being tired (it really never goes away)

Of course there are the many things that have changed too.  For example, I start my brand new, big girl job on Monday. YIKES and YAYAYAYAY! at the same time. It's a big step, but I feel so at peace with my decision and am so lucky to have something incredibly exciting to look forward to.

And I started a new lifestyle change. Different consumption of foods and protein shakes to give me the upper hand on my fitness.

And not to mention reconnecting with old friends.  I've had the good fortune to see two good friends from my past whom I still like hanging out with.  And I've been able to talk to a few others whom I haven't spoken with in years.  Good things are happening.  Trust me. ;-)

And while these changes seem so, so good right now, it's always a hard thing to move on to something new while something old gets left behind. Change requires strength and courage, but give it a chance and the world lays waiting for you next move.