Just a little bit longer...

This is it!  Week 12!!! My last week of my second level 2 fieldwork!  And then I graduate.  Yes, you read that correctly, I am indeed graduating this weekend.  While I'm  trying not to jump the gun, I am reminding myself that in less than 5 days, I will be receiving my Master's degree in Occupational Therapy.

It's been a long and exhausting journey, but now that it's almost over, I can say it has been fabulous.  I have met some of the most fabulous and wonderful women in this program with whom I know will remain lifelong friends.  There have been a lot of hiccups and obstacles along the way, but here I am on the other side.

So, basically I have this week of treating children and then I'm jetting out of town at 5PM on Friday for a 4-4.5 hour drive to Harrisonburg.  Graduation is on Saturday morning.  It'll be a couple of crazy and jumbled few days, but to walk across the stage will be worth it.  Not to mention I'll have most of my favorite people there with me to celebrate.

It'll be bittersweet.  One chapter closes, and who knows where my life will go from here.  But I'm ready to head out and move on.  I can't wait to see what else this year holds.  Between my marathon and my master's I feel like 2012 has been pretty great to me.

The only thing I can't figure out is if I'm ore excited to graduate or see my 8 year old best friend this weekend!!!

A little perspective

As the holidays are approaching, I feel that it is best to remember what Christmas is about first and foremost.  Of course it's about the birth of Christmas, recognizing the beginning of the greatest gift ever given, and genuinely remembering that there is so much more to this life than we care to remember.  As the holidays approach, it's my hope that I remember I have a greater purpose than my current situation, joy can be found as long as Christ lives in you, and other people/things cannot define the content and peace you have in life.

My goal this holiday season, as it is each and every day, is to rely on my Savior for my happiness - something that I struggle with.  I know that I'm blessed and in no way do I deserve all that I have, but it becomes so easy to forget how I got to where I am now.  Not only does He define my joy, but I want to grow closer to Him each day, learning His truths and living the life He destined for me.

It's never an easy journey - in fact, if it was easy, wouldn't we all do it, all the time? Most likely.  The fact of the matter is, it's not easy and every day we continue to mess up.  I'm given hundreds of thousands of chances - none of which I deserve.  Yet, here I am - grateful and humble before the throne.

Remembering this during the holiday season just lets me take a look at my own life and the way I'm living.  The past few days (weeks would actually be more appropriate) I've had a negative outlook on life, mostly because I'm unhappy with my fieldwork experience.  And what I've come to realize is that I shouldn't let these 12 weeks define me.  So here it goes: I'm choosing to be happy and joyful and loving.  I'm choosing to have a positive outlook.  I'm choosing to let my faith define me and not other people.

Fieldwork Insight

10 Things I’ve learned from fieldwork:

1.  If you take a 5 minute bathroom break every hour, that’s 40 minutes less you have to work.

2.  People don’t notice if you take an extra-long lunch, watch Netflix (as long as you have headphones on), or go to Starbucks. 

3.  No one knows how long it really takes you to write up an eval.  You can write one real quickly and pretend to be doing it for days.  They don’t know.

4.  Catching kids from 5 feet up is just part of the job.  And trust me, not every kid is as little as they look.

5.  If you pretend to be busy, people won’t talk to you as much or ask you to do as many things.

6.  If someone has a nosebleed, save the pillows first, and then deal with the child.

7.  It’s actually okay to be on pinterest as long as you look up crafting things for your kids.

8.  Not everyone is friendly; sometimes they’re downright mean (on purpose).  So kill them with kindness.

9.  When in doubt, plan an obstacle course.

10.  Playing with kids is not a privilege.  That’s why people get paid to do it.   

This just in

I felt compelled to tell you about my morning run.  It's no secret that I get up before the sun rises to fit in anywhere between a 3-8 mile run before work (depending on my exhaustion and feasibility).  This morning was no different.  My alarm went off at 5:20 and by 5:40 I was heading out the door for an easy 4 miler.  I planned on taking it easy since I ran both Saturday and Sunday and have developed a new tightness/pain in left leg.

When I run this early I usually run the same route 2-3 days out of the week and just extend the mileage depending on what I'm running.  It's a pretty safe run and I feel comfortable with the passing cars, runners, and walkers even in the dark.  As I rounded the first mile, I headed up the Trinity Ave. hill which is slow. gradual incline (the worst kind in my opinion).  I stopped for traffic and all of a sudden out of nowhere, something hit me in the back of my head.  Honestly, it felt like a rock.  I scanned the neighborhood I was running in looking for signs of people wondering if someone threw something at me.  And there was nothing.

I crossed the street and kept on running.  And then out of nowhere, again it hit me in the back of the head.  This time I caught a pretty glimpse of the culprit, but not after screaming bloody murder first.  It was...an OWL!!! Attacking my ponytail from behind!  It scared the living crap out of me.  After I spotted him, he was perched on telephone wires above.  Just waiting for me to move.  He started flying towards me again, and this time I screamed, scaring him.  Not to mention the biker who rode past me.

I just stood still for a few minutes.  I didn't know what to do.  Finally the owl flew in the other direction, but that was enough for me to cut my run short.  I headed back to the house and ran a short loop once I got there, getting in a little over 3 miles.  Hopefully, the owl is gone when I run again on Wednesday...

Hey, at least it wasn't a bat right?

Oops...a few weeks behind

Well, it seems that the busy Holiday season has finally caught up with me and I’m barely making it through the weeks with my head above water.  It’s been quite a while since I’ve posted so there’s quite a bit that I actually need to blog about.  Be prepared for lots of words and an extremely long post.  I’m promising pictures too so hopefully I can get myself together and get back to date with this thing.

MARATHON

So…I did it!! I ran a marathon!! Can you believe it?  A year ago, I never imagined that I would finish my first half marathon and now here I am, an accomplished marathoner.  I know, I know, it was only one marathon, but it was freaking amazing!!!  Of course, it was also incredibly brutal and mentally exhausting, but I felt ready and beyond prepared for the feat.

In fact, I felt amazing up until mile 20.  Kim and I ran together, talking as casually as one can when running an ungodly amount of mileage at one time, listening to music, and feeling pretty good.  At mile 13 we stopped, refilled our water bottles, changed our shirts, and fueled up for the next half courtesy of Kim’s parents who supported us the whole way through.  Around mile 20, my feet began aching and my mental game was dwindling.  I told Kim that I was finally going to have to walk through the water stations (up until then, we ran the whole thing!).  Walking through the water stations ended up being my saving grace.  In fact, I started looking forward to the water stations just so I could have 30 seconds of brief rest before picking up the pace again.  At mile 21.5, we again refilled on gummies and Gatorade and Kyle jumped in to run the last few miles with us.  And yes, I still walked through the water stops.  Around mile 23, I started feeling the burn.  My quads started burning and my feet truly ached (all glorious joys of being an avid runner).  Around mile 24, I told Kim to go on without me.  I don’t know how, but she felt great the whole time; unfortunately for me, I didn’t get that runner’s high.  So while Kim ran on ahead, Kyle and I finished the last two miles out.  I walked briefly right before mile 25 to regain my composure and dignity, but not before dropping the F$%^ bomb a few times and getting some sympathetic looks from nearby runners.  And then I saw it – the Mile 25 sign.  There was no going back now.  This was it.  I had prepared myself for this moment.  There would be no stopping.  At this point, it was all or nothing.  So here I go.  I ran that last mile as fast as my burning, aching, but strong legs would allow me to go. 

And I sprinted down that big hill at the finish like I’ve never sprinted before.  And just like that, it was all over.  4 hours and 26 minutes of running later, I finished a marathon.  It’s probably the thing I am most proud of in my life.  Of course at the end, my whole body tightened, I was dehydrated, and had waves of nausea and exhaustion throughout the day, but I did it.  4 months of training, 3 long 20 mile runs, thousands of miles, blisters, aches, tears, and toenails later, I did what I set out to do.  

Will I run another one?  Would you believe that I’ve already signed up for next year?

Post-Marathon Running

I’ve been reading up quite a bit on what to expect after you run a marathon in terms of running.  I can expect the following: weeks of recovery at slower tempos, continued soreness as a result, numerous aches and pains, delayed mental fitness, exhaustion, depression, and more decrepit toenails, just to name a few. 

What I really want to know is how long should I expect to be able to run long runs again without hurting? What kind of running schedule should I be on post-marathon?  How soon is too soon and how long is too long to start/go? 

While I’ve found varied answers to these questions, here’s what I did.  I ran the marathon on Saturday.  Uncharacteristically, I took off Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday.  By Wednesday I was dying to lace up my running shoes and take them for a spin.  I had planned on doing an easy 3 mile run, but felt so great, I ended up running 7 miles.  Thursday I ran 4-5 miles and took Friday off.  And just like that, I was back into the swing of things.  Call it good training or maybe crazy stupidity, but I’m already running 5 days a week again and cross training at least two more.  I’ve had a series of runs, all of them difficult I will admit – but that I am crediting to the marathon.  My long weekend run consists (so far) of a whopping 10 miles right now, but that’s about as much as I can handle safely. 

Between working 50 hours a week and sleeping in that other time, running is about the only thing that keeps me sane.  As the cold weather keeps rolling in, it gets a little bit harder to run every weekend.  But somehow, I’m still managing to get up and put one foot in front of the other.  Of course, I’m always looking for a new race to run.  Here’s what my race schedule (tentatively) looks like for 2013…

·         Disney Princess Half Marathon – Feb 24 (confirmed)

·         Shamrock Marathon – March 17 (tentative)

·         Spring Fling 10K (tentative)

·         Cooper’s Bridge 10K – April 6 (confirmed)

·         Monument 10K March/April – (tentative)

·         Marine Corp Half Marathon – May (tentative)

·         Reach the Beach Ultra Relay – May (tentative)

·         Marine Corp Marathon – October (tentative)

·         Richmond Marathon – November (confirmed)

I’d prefer to have another half thrown in here or there, plus I need something for January too…I had the Charleston SC half pegged for January, but I really need to find some more running friends or at least convince Kim and Tina they  need to run with me. 

Good-bye October & Happy Halloween!

Well, it looks like another month has come and gone.  Meaning, I'm one step closer to graduation, two steps closer to moving home, and about a week and half from my marathon.  Yea, these next few weeks prove to be busy and filled with all kinds of crazy goodness.

October, we had a fabulous run.  Seriously though.  Somehow between traveling and working, I managed to stay on top of my marathon training and log 191.6 miles to be exact.  That's a lot of running for 31 days.  No wonder my body is a little tired at times.  Actually though, I'm really proud of myself for sticking it through this training despite my move to NC, learning the area, and running on faith around downtown (literally).

I've learned a lot about my self this month too.  One of the most amazing things running has taught me is that I can push myself past my limits and accomplish more than I ever thought I could.  I'm grateful for not only the ability to run, but that I've learned to love it.  There's something magnificent about breaking down barriers and proving to yourself and to others that you are capable of more.

While I continue to push through this marathon training and then the marathon itself, I look forward to setting new goals and accomplishing new tasks.  Who knows what's next ---there's been talk of an ultra relay or maybe a second marathon.  Let's get through November 9 first and see where it takes me.

Happy Halloween!!!

The Not-so-glamorous running life

While I'll be the first to admit how absolutely wonderfully amazing running 40+ miles a week can be, it can also have its downfall.  Somewhere between the pages of RACES NEAR YOU and WHAT TO EAT WHEN TRAINING of Runner's World, you might overlook the pages titled THE GROSS PARTS OF RUNNING.  And of course you wouldn't see them because it's not there.

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE LOVE LOVE running.  I just wish someone had told me about ALL the ins and outs included.  Here's a list:

-opposums at 5AM
-hills that never stop
-gas...you know if you ever need to toot you have to be careful no one is ever behind you...
-bathroom breaks...ugh painfully-urgent-better-get-to-the-bathroom-now breaks
-homeless people who look like zombies
-homeless people who try to sell you drugs...this hasn't actually happened to me but they LOOK like they want to sell me drugs or kidnap me
-chaffing in all the wrong places
-blisters and losing toe nails and yes that actually does happen
-dogs (that's what pepper spray is for)
-the 5AM wake up call letting you know it's time to run
-random technology malfunctions (ie. your headphones breaking mid run)
-knee/hip/muscle pain

Okay, so some of the things are generally covered in running magazines but I was always under the impression "oh that won't happen to me".  Until it does.  As you can see, I've had a lot of interesting encounters when running.

This past Saturday (while running 20 miles in Richmond with Kim), I experienced the whole headphones breaking thing.  Luckily there were only 3 miles left and we mostly chatted/complained about the last three miles/homestretch.

Today I ended up running a half marathon (what's 3 extra miles of the already scheduled 10?) and though it wasn't the best race I've ever run, I feel pretty proud of myself.  It was hilly and I had run freaking 20 miles yesterday!  So on 6 hours of sleep, 5 hours of driving, and 33.1 miles of running this weekend, I managed to maintain under a 10 minute mile without walking for a time of 2:07/2:08.

The crazy part?? I get to lace up again tomorrow.  And I'll love every minute of it.

A whole lot of catching up today

I can already tell this post is going to be a little wordy.  But there's just so much that I need to blog about and I can't even remember where I left off.  So let's start with my birthday.  For my 24th birthday I decided I wanted to go to Lynchburg and run the VA 10 miler.  It was a great race that I ran last year.  Kim and I ran it together and honestly was one of the best ways to spend my birthday. This past year, running has been such a huge part of my life.  I figured I shoulder celebrate running and my birthday at the same time.  Not to mention it gave me an excuse to eat and drink all I wanted.



Then I headed back to Durham.  Sunday was extremely depressing.  Jo and I said goodbye to most of our favorite people.  And of course the week started all over again.  Is it safe to say that I live for the weekends?? Because I absolutely do.  This week was actually a lot better than the first week.  Maybe I'm getting a knack for kids or maybe I'm just figuring out what's truly important during the day and cutting out all the extra, but this past week went smoothly.

Today I ran 20 miles for the second time.  It actually went so much better than the first 20 mile run I did.  I got up a little after 6AM, laced up my shoes, and was out the door around 6:30.  I ran all over Durham - I mean it literally would take a page just to tell you all the streets and trails that I ran.  Nonetheless, I ran the whole thing without stopping, without gels, and without gatorade.  I only took my water and the tylenol I had before I left.  I managed great time and am spending the rest of the day lazily wandering around my house.

Heading out to explore Durham in a little bit with Jo.  I'll keep you posted.

All kinds of runnin'

I've been doing all kinds of running the past week and a half, getting ready for my move to Durham.  I had a week off between my internships which involved a lot of packing, unpacking, moving things in and out of storage, spending time with my family, and running errands.  While I was home, I got to catch up with the whole fam, including Laura and my grandparents.  I even made it to one of Riley's soccer games.  I even managed to stick to my gym/running schedule while I was home.

I ended up stopping in Richmond on my way to Durham on Friday and got to spend the afternoon with Kim.  You would think after spending 3 months together, we'd get a little sick of each other.  And while I'll admit it is nice to have my own room, I miss Kim a ton!  So it was nice to catch up and do random things while we had the time.

I made it to Durham in one piece and unloaded my car.  I spent Saturday afternoon unpacking and getting settled in, even making a Target run (which is conveniently 4 miles away).  Friday night, we went to this great local restaurant and Retta (she's the lady who's house we're living in) showed me some good places to run, not to mention Whole Foods and a bunch of bakeries downtown that I should probably avoid.  :)

Saturday morning I got up and ran my 20 miles.  It went well, minus getting lost.  But I found some great running trails/tracks to keep my somewhat satisfied for my long runs.  Today I got up and ran my 10 miles - which felt like nothing compared to yesterday.  I checked out a new church, which I love, and now I'm just trying to recuperate from this weekend.  Joanna comes tomorrow and I can't wait.  If only I didn't have to work...            

Racing Mania

I have a confession to make: I'm addicted to running races.  Yes, there I've said it.  It's out in the open and now you know my deep, dark secret.  And if you know me at all, you've probably only heard me talk about running 23,454,545 times in the past year.

After running a very poor Rock N Roll half in Va Beach, you'd think the last thing I'd want to do, is sign up for another Va Beach race...so why not try 2?? I ended up running my farthest distance last week at a whopping 18.5 miles.  And believe it or not, it was so much better than the half.  I had perfect fall weather, strong legs, and a determination to do better than the weekend before.

At about mile 10, Kim met up with me and we ran the last 8.5 miles together.  We took it at a good, leisurely pace and I actually felt great after.  SOOOO, I convinced my mom to sign up for the Wicked 10K with me in October.  Granted, it is only a 6 mile run and I'll still have to run another 6 miles to get my full 12 in, but what a fun run.  Not to mention, you get a pretty sweet medal.

Right now, I'm looking at another one in December that's a 10 miler.  While it might seems a little crazy, the more races I have to train for, the more likely I'll stick with a good plan.  But right now, my marathon training comes first.  And that means heading out for a short 12 miles tomorrow.

Bring it.

Highway to Hell

An appropriate title for the "Rock n Roll" half marathon I just ran today.  It was quite the event.  And by that I mean it was one of the worst races I've run in a while. It wasn't my worst race, but it was far far from my best race.

Last year, at this time, I started my running adventure with my first race ever - the Va Beach half marathon.  I thought it would be an appropriate way to start the racing season this year; to come full circle.  And while I have improved greatly in my running, you wouldn't know it from my race today.

The next part of this blog is kind of painful and somewhat humiliating to write.  My pride's been a little bruised and I've had quite the serving of humble pie.  My time...wait for it... 2:10:11.  Ugh, one of the not so greatest times I've run.  Like I said, not the worst, but certainly far from my better races.

The day started with a 4:30 AM wake up call, lots of hustle and bustle (not to mention some parking traffic), and a quick jump into the corrals.  And just like that we were off. I started off ahead of the 2:00 hour mile marker feeling pretty good the first mile.  It didn't last long.  By mile 3, I was struggling from the heat and humidity.  I was already dripping in sweat and mascara just trying to put one foot in front of the other (I've learned some days that's all you can ask for).  By mile 4, I was ready to throw in the towel.

I got through mile 4, but unfortunately slowed my pace.  I watched the 2:00 hour mile marker drift further and further away out of reach (dramatic, yes).  But at that point, I didn't care.  My goal switched from getting a personal best to just finishing the race without walking.  Around mile 7 or so, Kim and I randomly met up and ran together for the next few miles.  We both were struggling, so it was nice to have the company.  The rest of the race is pretty much a blur.  Between miles 8 - 13 there were cuss words (in my mind), popsicles, sprinklers, one not-so-big-but-oh-so-tough hill at mile 12, a never ending boardwalk, and a whole lot of mental triumph.

BLAH.  I totally just word vomited all over this blog post and I'm not even sure where that leaves me now.  We spent the rest of the day lounging watching trashy reality tv, eating way too many calories, and complaining/justifying my poor race time.  Will I be a contender next year?? Hm...maybe in the relay??

I'd post pictures, but honestly they're not that great and I just don't have the energy. Happy running.

Movin' & Groovin'

It seems my blog posts are getting more and more sporadic as time goes by.  As life would have it, I am officially in week 9 of my 12 week fieldwork experience.  There has been a lot of cool stuff going on.  Mostly, I am proud of the fact that I am training and working hard for my first marathon in November.  It's going to be pretty amazing in the way that something brutal and physically painful can be.

This past weekend I ran more miles in two days than in some previous months.  Saturday I ran a whopping 16.2 miles.  Yes, that's right - 16.  I am so proud of myself.  A year and a half ago I was almost 100 pounds heavier and could barely run a mile.  Now I'm running more than I've ever dreamed.  I absolutely love running and am so blessed to enjoy something so healthy for me.  So Sunday, I ran 9 miles and then Monday I ran 4.5 miles.

It was a brutal weekend.  I took Tuesday off and finally my legs have recovered.  Just in time for me 8.2 mile run this morning.  If you couldn't tell, my life literally revolves around the miles I have to run.  But I like it that way.

On another note, I am absolutely loving acute care and am hoping to get a job in that setting when I graduate.  In fact, right now there is an open position in Richmond where I ultimately want to get a job.  I'm hoping to talk more with my manager about it and see what positions will be open in the long run.

Lastly, I have been having so much fun since KIMMY came back from Maine.  I didn't realize how sad and lonely I was when she left for her summer break.  Though, I'm glad she had time off to relax and spend time with family, I am selfishly pleased that she's back in Richmond.  We've been doing a lot of fun things.

Love it. That's all for now.  Hopefully, I'll be back soon.

Hey, it's been a while...

Wow, it's almost been a month since I last blogged and I have to admit, a lot has happened since then.  A quick run down is in order I suppose.  So here it goes:

-My grandfather was in the hospital for a week and is now successfully home
-I have completed 6 full weeks of fieldwork and am working on week 7
-I have started training for the marathon
-I ran my longest run ever last weekend, a whopping 14.1 miles!!!
-I subscribed to netflix and am on season 3 of gossip girl (yea I started at the beginning too so it's kind of pathetic)
-I've been home more times than I can count on one hand - which is a record for me actually because I've been home more in the past month than I was all last year
-I've learned the value of sleep, but running means more to me than rest
-I'm finally plugging into my church and small group and have made some really amazing friends.  It makes me feel like Richmond is home.

There's been a lot more here or there that's happened too, but right now, these seem to be the things that stick out the most.  I'm hopeful that I'll get around to blogging more this weekend since I'll actually be in Richmond for a change.  I have a whole list of ideas that I want to blog on, but I want to make sure that when I do, it really means something.  I can't stand blogs that are lists of things to do or have no real significance.  Other than that, nothing new is going on here.  I'm just working out hard, running harder, and filling the in between time with work.  :)

Whirlwind of a summer

As I've mentioned before, my summer consists of paying JMU to work full time for free. How messed up is that?? As annoying and frustrating as the part is, I am learning so much more than I thought and really feel like I'm an OT.  Of course it's not easy and each day hosts its own challenges, but it's so rewarding and worthwhile. That said, I am freaking exhausted and ready to have a summer.  Sad news though is that I don't get one.  

My internship isn't over until September, when I get a week off, and then Jo and I move to NC.  Did I also mention Jo and I haven't found housing yet?? Man, there is a whole list of things I need to do soon including getting all of my financial aid straight for JMU for the fall.  Ugh.  Sometimes being an adult is so annoying.  I'm ready to retire and enjoy the good life.  Haha.

The good news is, I am running consistently at least 5 times a weeks, training for the marathon!  YAY! And also going go the gym after work.  And reading my Bible.  Actually, it's really great because even though I'm getting up between4:15-4:30 most days, I get to spend the first part of my day with Jesus and then running.  What better way to wake up?? Of course, I'm also crashing in bed around 9:00/9:30, but it doesn't bother me. 

Anyways, I have to run out the door so I can make it to clinic on time.  But perhaps I'll post tonight about going home and Jo's birthday!  

Nashville Blues

Last week I got to spend about 5 or so day in the wonderful city of Nashville, TN.  It was everything that I hoped for and more.

Laura, Ryan, Pickle, and I got in around 4AM on Tuesday morning, slept a bit, and then got on our country way.  It was awesome.  We spent a lot of the week lounging around, running, going to the YMCA, and seeing the sites around town.  Some really fun things we saw were the Grand Ole opry hotel, the Grand Ole Opry, Vanderbilt University and the children's hospital (where I will one day hopefully get a job), some really amazing malls, downtown Nashville (wild horse saloon & coyote ugly), not to mention other little hidden treasures that only the townies know about it.

It was a fantastic trip! We did a lot, but rested a lot too.  It was also really great, because Ryan and Laura wanted to run and workout all the time too, so I didn't feel like I was putting anybody out.

We drove back Saturday and hung out that night in Waynesboro.  It's only an 8 hour drive, but even that can be tiring after a while.  I moved to Richmond on Sunday and started my clinical the next day.  I'll post more about that later this week!

But the beauty of grace...

...is that it makes life not fair.

Good lyrics from a great song that always seems to remind me of God when I need Him the most. I'm a really lucky person.  I say that because I've been given grace from my Savior even though I am absolutely unworthy.  But in my mind, that's what grace is - undeserved forgiveness.

Which leads me to my next thought.  Forgiveness.  Knowing when to ask for it and when to give it are two equally hard concepts that I know all too well.  I'm trying to figure out which one is easier to handle, but in all honesty, I don't think I could give an answer.  It's definitely something I need to work on in my life however difficult it may be.  I'm learning right now to let things go, let disappointments fade, and handle every situation with the grace that it does or does not deserve.  

We all I make mistakes, we all I disappoint, we all I lash out, cry out, and hurt others whether or not those are the intentions we have my intentions.  And though the pain involved often seems greater in the moment, in the aftermath once the smoke has settled, there's grace sitting patiently waiting for you me.  I really need to step up my game and learn to be more forgiving and less demanding and incredibly more giving of grace.  

2 weeks

2 weeks and life changing events later, I can barely believe it's already June.  It feels like I just started my graduate OT program, that I just moved into a new apartment with new roommates, that I just started going to Valley Church, and that I just started making some really incredible and meaningful friendships.

But believe it or not, in 2 weeks I move out of Harrisonburg and start my full time clinicals, I leave some of the really great (and not so great) people that I've met here and grown to love, and I'll be on the search for a brand new church.

The great thing is I'll be in Richmond so for 2 weeks, Kim and I will be able to run, work, live, and complain about life together.  Another great thing is that I'm only an hour and a half from my incredibly cute and growing sisters.  12 weeks seems like an awfully long time though.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm scared about the fieldwork/clinicals and not doing well, or if I really am just having an issue with change.  Most likely the latter.  For 6 1/2 years, I've come to know and love JMU.  I've lived here since I was 17.  My life is planned out here and things are comfortable.

But I'll admit, I'm excited for change, the new possibilities, and the opportunities that await. Never in my life have I been more content in so many aspects.  My relationship with Christ is the most important and influential thing I have to hold on to.  And though it's taken me a while to get where I'm at, I've never been more satisfied and content.  I know God has a plan for me and that it's greater than anything that I could ever come up with for myself.  In His time, all things will work out and I'm in no rush to grow up faster than I have to.

I'm in a good place right now.  And in 2 weeks, the journey continues.

Another half down!

This past Sunday, I ran my 4th half marathon! Now 4 is not a big number.
But when you consider all the work and effort that goes into every race,
it's kind of a big deal.  This race was different than the other in a few different
ways.  First, it was the hilliest course that I've ever run.  And I live/train in the
mountains.  The hills were brutal.

Second, the atmosphere was incredible.  I ran the Historic Marine Corp Half.
No matter what part of the course you were on or whether you had already
finished, there were marines everywhere cheering you along the way.  Doesn't
that sound a little backwards to you?? Shouldn't we be the ones cheering them
on?  Anyways, it didn't matter what branch of the military you were in, there
were people representing everything - army, navy, coast guard, you name it.

A few times when I was running, I really had to hold myself together.  Seeing
all of these incredible heroes who goes through so much for this country had
me thinking about all of the incredible freedoms we have.  I ended up making
it without crying, but few people left with dry eyes.

It was an incredible race that I was privileged to be a part of.  And to all the
military personnel out there, thank you for all you do.  You are truly appreciated.

Just a little good night note

As usual there's a lot going on. I was thinking I could post about my oh-so-boring 4 week class or even talk about the many things that I've done or have planned, but as I was driving home from my friend's house, this song came on the radio and it's been stuck in my head ever since. Also that may have been the longest sentence ever.

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GfosSggwQS0

 Seriously, check it out because it is awesome and encompasses everything I want to be as a Christian. It's called "I wanna live like that". Granted, it's not always easy, heck it's hardly ever easy, but ideally, I want to live like that for Christ. I want His love to be overflowing from my life so that I can share with any and every one. The lyrics are sweet and touch my heart every time I hear them.

Sometimes I think
 What will people say of me
 When I'm only just a memory
 When I'm home where my soul belongs

 Was I love
 When no one else would show up
 Was I Jesus to the least of those
 Was my worship more than just a song

 I want to live like that
 And give it all I have
 So that everything I say and do
 Points to You

 If love is who I am
 Then this is where I'll stand
 Recklessly abandoned
 Never holding back

 I want to live like that
 I want to live like that

 Am I proof
 That You are who you say You are
 That grace can really change a heart
 Do I live like Your love is true

 People pass
 And even if they don't know my name
 Is there evidence that I've been changed
 When they see me, do they see You

 I want to live like that
 And give it all I have
 So that everything I say and do
 Points to You

 If love is who I am
 Then this is where I'll stand
 Recklessly abandoned
 Never holding back

 I want to live like that
 I want to live like that

I want to show the world the love You gave for me 
I'm longing for the world to know the glory of the King

 I want to live like that
 And give it all I have
 So that everything I say and do
 Points to You If love is who I am
 Then this is where I'll stand
 Recklessly abandoned
 Never holding back

Nothing is ever by coincidence

When you have a personal relationship with Christ, I find it easy to believe that nothing happens by chance or coincidence. I think every little detail is intricately planned by God. Just yesterday I expressed feeling distant from God and not seeing Him work in my life. This morning when I had my quiet time, I started the book of Leviticus. Before each chapter there's a little intro to each book explaining who wrote it, when it happened, what was going on, and how applicable it is today. Today's intro started out with something like this: God seems so far away...if only I could see or hear him. Have you ever felt this way - struggling with loneliness, burdened by despair, riddled with sin, overwhelmed by problems? Made in God's image, we were created to have a close relationship with him; thus, when fellowship i broken, we are incomplete and need restoration. Communion with the living God is the essence of worship. It is vital, touching the very core of our lives... To me, it seemed a little ironic until I thought about how good God is. He cares so much, even about the little things, to let me know "Look, this happens. This is what you're feeling. And this is what you're gonna do about it." It's definitely a small thing and maybe a stretch, but God works in amazing ways. "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." -Psalms 139:13-14

A little bit of distance...

...is never good in your relationship with God. Lately, I've had this feeling that I'm just not doing things right or there's something going on in my life that's got to change, because these past couple of weeks I have felt so far from God. I've felt that there's this distance between us that's limiting my ability to live full on for God every moment of every day. Granted, I've been busy and stressed with full time clinicals, half marathons, and exams, but that's no excuse. I'm still having my quiet times each morning. For me, it's a crucial way to start the day. It gets my mind focused on Christ and I feel that I'm better able to live for Him. But even in my quiet time something's missing. I don't want to say that God's a feeling, because He is SO MUCH MORE than that. But I can feel the difference of being in His presence and when I'm not. I think a lot of what I'm going through right now is that I'm really struggling for Christian fellowship. I haven't been to my OT bible study in a month and my college group just got started after a long absence. I'm not trying to point fingers, but being in a graduate program where there are so few believers makes it difficult for me not only to make the right decisions, but be held accountable for them. That's where the fellowship comes in, breaking up the monotony and being with people who hold the same values and ideas that I do - it's downright crucial for survival through this Christian walk. Today was the first time in weeks, where I had a quiet time where I felt so connected to God and in His presence. The best part - when I was praying and reading it wasn't about me at all. I was just giving honor and praise to God throughout everything - something I don't do enough. Even when I don't "feel" Him, I know He's there. There would be no way I could make it through everything I'm going through without Him. But there's something about being in His presence, that just makes you feel alive and on fire for God. Just food for thought.

Half Marathon PR!!

I know I talk about running a lot, but today I hit a PR on my run. I have to say it's totally unexpected as various events persisted through out my week. I went to personal training on Tuesday, but only ran on Wednesday and Thursday. Not to mention I've been having some pretty serious muscle pain in my lower leg (kim maybe you can help me figure out what it is???). Also, the last time Laura and I tried to run 11 miles we only made it to 7 so I had some pretty serious doubts about this half. My only was to make it to the end. And boy did I! Despite the stomach cramps, the muscle cramps, the head games, the week of fieldwork and waking up at 4:45 every morning, and the poor running, I did it! And I did it in 2:02:28. Kim and I have this goal of making a half under 2 hours, so while I was so close, I didn't make it. However I did decrease my half time by more than 2 minutes! It feels great. The only downside is, I feel completely lazy and have an exam on Tuesday which I am nowhere near prepared for. At least I have tomorrow and Monday...

Insecurity

Let me start out by saying, that this past weekend was so fun. On Friday, my whole class presented our Master's thesis. While this was not fun, everyone worked so hard and really set the bar high. Friday night we went out to dinner and drinks with some of the professors and then first thing Saturday I drove to Richmond to have some quality best friend time with Kim. As soon as I got there, Kim and I went on a 5.5 mile run. An easy feat, yes, but very difficult when it's 80 degrees outside. Then we went on a massive shopping trip which was very therapeutic. Laura told me recently that "shopping is a feeling" and I'm starting to believe it. Sunday we ran the mud run where I gashed my knee by sliding down a wall and hitting concrete. Not fun, but all the attention made me feel hardcore. This week has been a full week of clinicals for me at UVa. While it has been an amazing experience, this week has left me very insecure. In the mornings I'm getting up at 4:30/4:45 every morning just to read my bible, get ready, and then commute. But my quiet times feel rushed and I feel like I haven't seen God evidently working in my life. And I don't like that. I also haven't run much this week. Mostly because I'm tappering down for a race, but I feel insecure right now about my ability to run. I'm wondering how I'll be able to maintain. I'm even insecure in my clinical abilities. Because the patients are so fragile in the neuro ward, I don't get to do as much as I would like and feel that I'm not really good enough. I don't if it's the exhaustion of the week or just being overly emotional right now but it's rough. I've noticed that when insecurity strikes in one area of life, it often overflows into others. I'm not really sure what I can do to get rid of this feeling except take tomorrow as a new day and try not to take everything so personally. I guess we're all insecure about something. And if you say you're not, then you're probably lying. Anyways, tomorrow will be a new day.

Post Race Racing

So...Currently my friend Laura and I are training for a half marathon at the end of April. This has included a lot of running. Last weekend, as I've mentioned, we ran the Cherry Blossom 10 miler. Then just for kicks and giggles, but really for training, we ran 10 more on Saturday. That right there was 20 miles in less than 7 days. Crazy right? Well at least for me.

Last week I ran a total of 34 miles! That's a huge number in my book. Probably the most I've ever run in one week since I started running in May. That's also something I've been thinking about a lot. It's almost been a full year since I've started running. The first few months I ran sporadically, a few miles here and there while training for my first half marathon. It's kind of crazy to think about. Since then, I've run what feels like a ton of races. 2 half's, a couple of 10 mile runs, some 10ks, 15ks, and everything else in between. Not to mention the many miles I've logged on my faithful running shoes.

Anyways this week may not have been productive in the academic sense, but against the pavement, it was awesome.

April Showers

Happy April everyone!

It seems that while this may not come as a shock, running is my new obsession. And obsession it is. If you've never run before consistently, you might not understand what I'm getting at. There's something about being dedicated and disciplined to the sport that pretty much takes up your whole life.

The first couple of months I started running, it was because some girls from my class were going to run a half marathon. I never to do anything half way, so once I decided I was gonna do it, that was it-training started. Training for a race like that and actually running it, are two very different experiences, ones that I highly recommend to anyone who has ever considered it. Anyways, the first few months, I felt obligated to run. I had to do it so I could finish the race. And once I went home for the summer, I was lucky to run once or twice a week. In fact, I never got above 8 miles before the half marathon before I ran it. And yes I did finish it without walking.

But after those feelings of dread (that are associated with running at first) go away, it becomes an obsession. I run all the time. If I see someone outside running, I think, I probably ran farther than you today or how come I'm not out there right now? I actually get a little bit jealous on a nice day when I see people running and I'm not. If I'm scheduled to run and I don't - well that day has pretty much gone to hell because that's the only thing on my mind for the rest of the day. I'm always competeing against myself too. Can I get a better time? Can I go farther today than I had planned? Can I even make it up the hill? And then of course, there's the competeing against other people I see running - can I pass them? How long is there run? etc.

So it really has become an obsession. So much in fact that I just finished another race on Sunday - The Washington D.C. Cherry Blossom 10 miler. It was actually a great race. I didn't hit a wall until about mile 8, and then I always play mental games with myself to make sure I finish it.

Yesterday didn't go as well as I would have liked, but I still did decently. My overall time was 1:31:53 giving me an average time of 9:12 per mile. I was hoping to be a little faster, but I'm pretty satisfied overall.

The best part about the weekend? Staying in D.C. and running with all of my fabulous friends.
Happy Monday!

P.S. Running has totally taken over my life. I even ran 3.2 miles today because it was on the schedule!

Running in the Rain

I don't know if you've ever though about running in the rain, but it's not as glamorous as it sounds. Kim planned a 7 mile route that, on a normal day probably would have been a no-brainer. Today, it was an adventure to put it mildly. During the first mile, it started to down pour. We were already soaked with 6.5 miles left to go. The rain backed off a little bit and though it wasn't enjoyable, it wasn't nearly as bad as before. What made it especially difficult was dodging all of the ginormous puddles that continued to build up throughout the whole route. This was just one of those days where time doesn't matter, you just keep running to finish. And finish we did, after we stopped at the move theater so Kim could use the bathroom. Seriously, there was a lot of mishap along the way of the run. And even though it was slower than normal, my legs definitely feel 7 miles worth of worn and sore.

Now I'm going to celebrate my going drinking lots and lots of coffee. And maybe take a nap. The best part of the run? Kim and I decided that we are hardcore runners. In between the "oh my gosh my shoes!" and the "yuck, the mud!" we really are a couple of tough chicks. Pictures to follow. I promise they're hilarious.

A fabulous run

This week has been pretty awesome. Let me back track a bit and fill you in on some of the amazing things God is teaching me.

Sunday I went to the 6PM service with Jo where I was just in a terrible mood. There was nothing that happened that made me feel bitter, but I constantly had to talk to God to pull me out of this funk so I could enjoy the service and the college/career group afterwards. God changed my attitude and I felt completely in His presence. After church and our group, we always go out to eat. We just went to Applebee's and had great fellowship with one another. Since the beginning of the night my attitude had done a 180 turn. It made me realize that God has this journey for each of us and while we desperately need to cling to Him, He's given us each other too. He doesn't want us to have to go through this life alone. It was so comforting and truly made me feel like I am where I need and am supposed to be.

Then Sunday night I had a crazy dream. I know I blogged about a crazy dream a few months ago, but this one was completely different. Joanna and I were on a road trip going somewhere south, about an 8 drive, though no name was specifically given. Along the way we stopped to see Joanna's mom and sister. We ate at this little hometown cafe/restaurant. We had this really cute waiter. And even though I am not this forward, I asked him for his phone number. He looked at me and said "I don't know even know you. What are your goals in life?" I rattle off my goals and he told me his which were almost identical. He asked me "What characteristics are you looking for in a man?" For some reason, I pulled out a list from my pocket. I read off a bunch but did say that he had to be a man of God - which is and was definitely on my must-have list. He rattled off his list saying that his wife would have to be a Christian. I kind of sat there in disbelief and showed him that I had that written down about a spouse too. He took my number and said that he would call me, but he would make the first move. And that was that.

The rest of the dream is hazy, but I so vividly still remember everything that happened. I woke up Monday morning and felt like I had heard directly from God. I think there were a couple of things that God was telling me through this dream. First, all of the characteristics I want and desire in a husband, I can have. God's telling me He will give me those things, but I have to wait for His timing and not settle for something else while I'm waiting. Secondly, God is again is definitely telling me to be patient. For example, where the waiter said that he would make the first move. God needs to be still and listen to Him. Lastly, and this may be a stretch, but just being on a journey with no real destination in mind makes me think that God can and will call me anywhere and I'll have to be ready to do.

Anyways this dream has been on my mind all week, but it's been such an encouragement.

In other news, I had a fabulous run today. It was only 6.33 miles, but it was mostly hills and very intense and I feel empowered. And a little sore. Enjoy this beautiful day!

And another week has already come and gone...

Words from a country song. Have I mentioned that I'm on a really big country kick right now? All this warm weather and country music makes it almost feel like summer. You know where I'll be this summer?? Besides slaving away 40+ hours a week for my clinical rotation?? I'm spending few days in Nashville! My dream come true. The other day Joanna and I were having a conversation about where we'd be if we were doing what we TRULY wanted to do - dream job or place to live - I decided I'd be in Nashville. Let me rewind about how this all came about.

Friday was my first day of clinicals which is awesome. I'm on the neuro unit at UVA's acute care hospital. I got to see all kinds of amazing things on my first day. Not only the typical stroke and neuro conditions, but different spinal and brain surgery patients, a mandibularotomy, and some other cool things. It was amazing. Afterwards I met my classmate Laura in Charlottesville for some window shopping and dinner. I stayed the night at her house in Waynesboro because we were running a 10k for her husband's cross country team early this morning. We ran our 6 miles pretty fast - an 8:57 pace per mile! I finally broke under 9 minutes!

Anyways we were walking around and talking about things we'd like to or go and it just so happens that Laura and her husband will be spending a few days in Nashville with their family and invited me to go along! FOR FREE. Yes, absolutely no cost.

Considering this is the one place I've been dying to go (and I can see myself ending up there eventually), I jumped right on it. And it looks like the world of music and country stars awaits. I am beyond excited.

A new week...

So, I've managed to make it back to Harrisonburg, unpack all of my stuff, do the dishes, vacuum, get my laundry going, have my quiet time, and get ready for the day. Everything is done and all I have left to do is study for a ginormous test on Thursday.

Yes, that's right, a test the very week after spring break when the professor knows full well that no one has spent an exuberant amount of time studying. I do have to admit, I have probably done about 3 hours worth so far. Which is better than nothing.

*Sigh. Now, I'm really procrastinating. I have church at 6 tonight so I'm trying to figure out what I can do for the next two hours so I don't have to hit the books. Unfortunately, all the stalling in the world couldn't help right now. I guess I should take advantage of the few hours I have right now since this week promises to be a crazy one.

Even though it is absolutely gorgeous outside. Thank you grad school.

RUNNING

As I've revamped my blog, I've deleted a couple of pages and added some new ones. I'm keeping the Spiritual Food For Thought and then added a running section. I don't know if I want to post it all there or here, for fear that it won't get read. And how sad would that be?

Anyways, Sunday, Tina and I ran a grueling 10 miles. Mind you, I've run 10 miles before and not too long ago, but something about this run was hard. Probably the hills, probably the distance, probably the not knowing where you're going all wrapped into one made it difficult.

Well, let me tell you. Monday morning, I felt like I had run a half or longer. I'm still recuperating from the grueling run. Today we did an easy 4.5 mile run which felt incredibly short and liberating compared to the struggle I felt on Sunday.

And now I am incredibly content with sitting on the couch all day watching the Law and Order SVU marathon and eating cake. As Marie Antoinette said "Let them eat cake!" What she should have said was "Let them eat cake and be happy and watch tv all day."

Happy Spring Break.

The prodigal son

I know this is one of those spoon fed Bible stories that are told to us when we're little, but I reread this parable and am so completely humbled by the love God has for me. If you need a refresher it's Luke 15:11-32.

Thoughts or Main Ideas I got from reading it today:
1. It's the story of rebellion and running. It's believing that we know what's better for ourselves than God does.
2. It's never too late to turn to God, no matter what your circumstances are, no matter what you're struggling or dealing with. He is always there with arms wide open ready to receive His lost child.
3. The love of God is limitless. This kind of goes back to #2. But there is absolutely nothing that you or I can do that would turn Him away from us. And that is a truly amazing love.

The beauty of the story is not if the child returns home, but when. If you look at verse 20, the boy's father was there each day searching the road for the return of his son. And when he sees him, he is filled with compassion and mercy and welcomes him home.

The greatest gift you can give someone, is to love them without strings, conditions, or expectations. Freely loving someone means accepting them as they are whether or not we feel they are worthy of it. It's loving in a way that doesn't make sense to and is not accepted by the world. It's the way Jesus loved and still loves.

My Aquatic Themed Spring Break...

...And I didn't even need a bathing suit. Seriously though, I flew into Atlanta on Thursday evening after my ALL-DAY TBI class experience. Which I have to admit, makes me want to become an OT that works with patients who have encountered traumatic brain injuries. That aside, I barely made my flight and headed down south for a some warm weather.

What I got was a week full of 40-50 degrees, tornado warnings, and an aquatic themed trip. Let me explain. First of all, I do not mind the weather. I've always loved the cold and this is no exception. However,I must say that I am disappointed that I leave Virginia and we finally get snow. Seriously??? The month of March and I are going to exchange some words later. Secondly, the tornado warnings were not that scary because most of them were 30 minutes away or more therefore we weren't directly impacted. However, the loud and aggressive thunderstorm that preceded the tornadoes gave me the intense desire to sleep walk and hold a full five minute conversation with Tina that I have absolutely no recollection of. Lastly, by aquatic themed, I mean it. Friday night we ate out at Red Lobster and had amazingly delicious seafood. Saturday we headed to the Aquarium, which as I have previously mentioned, gave me the desire to watch the little mermaid. Sunday, we not only had sushi, but then proceeded to watch the little mermaid I discovered a handful of things (amazing what you can learn from a disney movie right?)

1. I just ate all of Ariel's friends...RAW.
2. If I were to be one of Ariel's sisters I would be Attina because she is a brunette, wears a crown-like tiara like her dad, is next in line for the throne being the eldest, and is characterized by being the bossiest and most responsible. Though orange is not my favorite color, this pretty much sums me up.
3. I want a life where I can sing about my problems/issues and also to live with sea creatures. That sea horse in the beginning is so cute and my favorite.
4. Adelaide is a good name for a daughter - which is one of the other sister's names.
5. I really just want to be Belle because she seems to have it more together than Ariel does - though I must say Ariel's prince has a dog; Belle's is one...but that's a whole other debate for a different blog post.

Anyways chew on that for a while and I'll go chew on breakfast. Top of the mornin'!

Productive Sundays

I have to say, I am a fan of what I like to call "lazy days". They are the most refreshing, rejuvenating, and re-energizing days of my week. I don't necessarily get to have them all the time, but when I do I am absolutely thankful. In my book, lazy days are no-make-up, dress down clothes, and no-work out days. There's something really special about them. I have to say I love them and appreciate them immensely since being in graduate school.

What I love one step above a good lazy day, is a good productive day. While lazy days are restful, productive days are energizing and encouraging in a completely different way. I can get a lot accomplished and am able to do so many things. Take today for example. Tina and I got up (btw, I'm in Athens, Ga on Spring Break) ran 10 miles, went to church, went to law school, walked around campus, went to the bookstore, had my quiet time, and am now writing a very much needed blog post. And though I didn't do much academically, I feel so accomplished. This is generally the feeling I get after running, despite the distance and other productive things, but nonetheless today was/is a good day.

I'm thankful for days like today too because I'm really able to step back and look at all the things that God has provided for me in this life. I am truly blessed. Speaking of which, I went to the church of Athens today which was almost identical to Valley in the ways of teaching, comfort, openness, acceptance, and believe it or not set-up. I absolutely loved it. The message was also very encouraging. The pastor spoke on authority in our lives and how we need to obey it.

Every authority in our lives has been God-chosen, but it doesn't mean it is godly. Thus being said, we are still expected to obey and respect authority because it's what God wants for us. Good message.

In other news, Tina and I went to the World's Largest Aquarium yesterday in Atlanta. It was a lot of fun, though I enjoy the activities of an 8 year old. :) However, it gave me the urge to watch the little mermaid. Which I plan on doing in about 20 seconds.

Enjoy this God-given day!

Redeeming Love - the story of every man

Don't believe me? Read the book.

The first time I ever heard of this book, I was a junior in college and my roommate Courtney was reading it. She would occasionally tell me about it, mentioning it was a love story, but was really hard to read. It never jumped out at me...UNTIL I saw it sitting on Kim's bookshelf a couple of months ago. Kim told me I could borrow it, where it sat on my bookshelf for the next few months. And then I had a God-moment. You totally know what that is if you've ever experienced one.

I felt the need to read it, something urging me to open the book and just read at least the first few pages. And then I was sucked in. If you've never read it, allow to recap. If you have bear with me.

Redeeming Love is a fictional representation of the book of Hosea in the bible. The main characters are:

Angel - a prostitute who's been in the business since she was 8 with a lot of abandonment issues
Michael - a simple farmer, follower of Christ
Paul - Michael's friend and brother-in-law
Miriam - soon to be Paul's new wife, part of the Altman clan
The Altman's - a family who builds a house and life on Michael's farm becoming very close to Angel and Michael

God tells Michael to marry Angel after seeing her once in the streets of Pair-a-dice. This is a problem as Angel is lives in a brothel and live an adulterous life. That doesn't matter to God. Michael spends time trying to win her over and eventually marries her and brings her home to his farm. A couple of times she runs back to the city, thinking her life before was better and thinking maybe she could make it on her own. Michael continues to bring her home. Over time Angel has come to love Michael and can't imagine her life without him. But knowing she can't have kids and that's Michael's dream in life, she decides to leave despite her love for him. She thinks Miriam would serve as a better, more traditional wife.

This time when Angel leaves, Michael doesn't go after her, though he prays every day that she will return. She's gone for 3 years. Eventually Paul comes to find her (as his wife Miriam has requested this). Settling some issues from their past, Paul comes to realize how wrong he was about Angel and brings her home to Michael. Angel realizes that Michael has waited for her over these past three years and then there's kind of a happy ending. :)

Of course there are a lot of details woven into the story that only heighten the love and sacrifice involved. It's definitely worth reading.

The story of every man? Well here's my rationale. I can identify myself with Angel. No I'm not a prostitute nor have I suffered through some of the extreme circumstances in the story, but I've also been an adulterer. Let me explain.

For so long, I've called myself a Christian and focused on this in-depth relationship that I have with Christ. And for so long, I've cheated on Him with whatever the world throws my way. Drinking, relationships, lust, anger, materialism, self-centered attitude. And during those times I found myself running from God. Michael represents God who is there waiting patiently each and every day for every single child to come to Him. He's constantly asking us to come back to him and so many times he finds me, wraps me up, and brings me back to Him. And no matter how much I miss up, I know that there is nothing that will make Him turn me away.

I'll admit, I was angry for Angel for so long in the book because she repeatedly broke Michael's heart. I kept thinking how every woman longs for a man to love her like this and here's this girl who wants nothing to do with this epic love. What kind of person could do that to such an unfailing and unwaviering love? And then it hit me, I have. I have a great love story and I continually run away from Him. Instead, I should not only be content by it, but overjoyed by it.

I can try to run away but I remember Him waiting there for me, days, months, and even years. And it took the running away for me to realize that what I needed was to be running towards Him. It took me understanding what running away and running to Him looked like. There are still plenty of issues to work out. My past will always be remembered, but I will never feel shame nor guilt for the choices that happened because they led me to Christ. And He doesn't hold me to it. He lifts me in His arms and prepares me for what I will be. He loves me as I am and not as I should be. It looks like I've already gotten my happy ending after all.

Anti-romantic??

I don't believe in Valentine's Day. Partly because the independent woman in me (aka the single part) absolutely loathes this holiday, but also because of the commercialism. It gets a little out of hand - the flowers, the candy, the stuffed animals. Spending exuberant amounts of money on one person for one day kind of seems like a waste.

In my opinion, why don't we do special things for the person or people we love all year round? I'm not saying that every day deserves something special, but why can't we be more consistent in our actions?? Why don't we tell people what they mean to us all the time instead of special occasions or holidays??

One of my goals this year it so to really let the people I love, know how much they mean to me. I have so many amazingly, beautiful people in my life whom I rarely express how important they are to me. But that's gonna change now - I'm gonna make it a challenge for myself. Each day of February, I'm going to choose someone who's very close to me and let them know just how valuable they are to me. I encourage you to do the same - or something of the sort. It's amazing what a few words will do.

The relationship that changed my life

I wish I could say I've had my fair share of relationships in my life, but to be honest, I haven't ever been the type of girl that's dated around or always needed a boyfriend. Here or there I may have had a boyfriend, but let's be real - I can count the number on one hand. Some days this makes me insecure. I mean, is there something wrong me? You'd think by 23, I'd be in a serious relationship by now. I mean, I'd at least I'd hoped I would. It's kind of a hard pill to swallow, but then again I am only 23 and have my whole life ahead of me. Some days I feel really confident and unwilling to settle for anything less than I deserve. Those days are great.

The good news, there's hope. I've recently entered into a relationship that has changed my life. Each and every day I'm completely and totally romanced, feeling nothing but pure love and grace. I never face disappointment and I'm always taken care of. Have you figured it out yet? My relationship is with my Savior, Jesus.

Though it may sound corny to most, this is probably the most incredible relationship I've ever entered in. I mean, I was 100% pursued by God and the decision was left up to me if I wanted to pursue Him. Each and every day I'm blessed with the ability to spend time with Him, just as I would in any other relationship. I learn more about Him each day, but also about myself. I've found my value and worth in Him - it comes from no one else. He is my whole identity and the reason for my existence. I've learned a lot about myself including what it means to be a woman of God. I'm finding out how much I'm worth and also how much I deserve in an earthly relationship.

This relationship has been like nothing I've ever experienced before. I see my life differently now. I find myself striving to be like Christ and less of this world. Even my perspectives have changed for the better. It's just been incredible to find this great love and have Him with me always. The coolest thing is, I've never been as in love as I am right now.

Behavior Patterns

This was the title of my devotion today. A quick excerpt before I get to my point:

"Part of reckless abandonment is realizing how much our culture has affected our behavior patterns. You want to be Christlike, but your lifestyle is a reflection of Vogue or Cosmopolitan rather than a new creation in Christ. A.W. Tozer said 'A whole new generation of Christians has come up believing that it is possible to accept Christ without forsaking the world.'"

How scary is it, that we live in a world that tells us "Yea go ahead and believe in Jesus and even live for Him, but don't worry because it's okay to get drunk and sleep around too."
I think the really scary thing is, that so many Christians do live this way. I know I used too. I felt that as long as I had faith in Jesus I could also live in the world. I could still go out to parties and get drunk, I could gossip and slander in any which way I wanted to, but it was okay because you know, I had Jesus.

Not only was I deceiving myself, but I it just made me realize how little of Jesus I actually had. The more I read the Bible, the more I know that there is no neutral ground when it comes to faith and salvation. You either accept Jess as your Savior or you don't. There is no middle ground. What's tricky about this life and this generation, is that society has made a great push for us to believe there is. They spew lies saying that you can have it all and eventually saying that living in the world is better than living for Christ. And that's just not how it is. If you make a conscious effort to be with your Savior, you behavior patterns will begin to change - for the better if you're truly dedicated to His kingdom. I know I've experienced this firsthand pretty radically over the past six months. Do I still make mistakes? Of course. But I make the conscious effort to live differently than I ever have before.

There is no middle ground when it comes to Jesus. There's only Higher Ground that saves eternally. Check out James 1:22-25 to see the light on society's deception. There's some pretty awesome truth there.

Have you ever...

Have you ever had a dream so vivid you wake up emotionally charged (sad, happy, frustrated, angry, etc.) at either someone or something?

Have you ever had a day where you just feel so small and insignificant?

Have your insecurities ever been played upon so much that you feel alone and distant?




Well I have. All of three of things happened to me today. I had an extremely vivid dream last night that touched upon pretty much all of the major insecurities I have faced or currently face in my life. At one point, I was in a disagreement that seemed so real and was so frustrating that I actually woke up with tears in my eyes. When I eventually got back to sleep, my dream picked up where it left on and continued. All day today this dream has been replaying in my mind. In fact, I found myself thinking about it class missing a majority of my lecture. Even tonight before bed, it's still on my mind.

When I woke up today I didn't want the dream to end because I needed to see how it ended. Unfortunately, I didn't get to figure out. Which is also hard since I woke up at a really depressing point. In fact, it would almost make a good plot for a book and I've considered making it into a short story. It's just on my mind that much.

As a girl, I tend to be insecure about a multitude of things. As a Christian, I sometimes fall into insecurities with my faith. The last one is a little bit harder to swallow. Today I just feel so small and insignificant in this great big world and the great big Bible. Why would God choose to love me? Why send His Son for me? Why should I be worthy? It's a dangerous game to play. It's hard too because I don't doubt for a second that God loves me and will save me eternally one day. But on days like today each insecurity seems magnified beyond belief and somewhat significantly more important and a little bit harder to deal with.

I don't have an answer. But the Bible does. Thankfully, I read a lot of different verses that restore that assurance and security of faith in me. But it's hard to feel far from God. It's hard to feel broken. But how humbling it is to find God's strength in my weakness. I finally feel lifted out of this funk. As for the dream, I'm still trying to push it from my mind, but my reality is this: God is always there to comfort and fulfill even when you feel small and lonely.

Here we are again

At the start of another semester. And the last one that involves sitting in the classroom at JMU. Kind of hard to believe that we've made it this far already, but trust me I'm not complaining. When I think about all that 2012 holds, well there's a lot going. This is my last semester in-class at JMU, my last time hanging out with most of the girls from my program, my last time living in Harrisonburg (unless God decides otherwise). After this semester I move to Richmond for 3 months, I move to North Carolina for 3 months, I graduate, I try to find a job and a permanent place of residence --it's kind of crazy to think I'm going to grow up soon.

It's also kind of refreshing because instead of spending exorbitant amounts of money, I'll be making money. This year is really going to be a year of growth. I'll keep you updated on how it goes!