Anti-romantic??

I don't believe in Valentine's Day. Partly because the independent woman in me (aka the single part) absolutely loathes this holiday, but also because of the commercialism. It gets a little out of hand - the flowers, the candy, the stuffed animals. Spending exuberant amounts of money on one person for one day kind of seems like a waste.

In my opinion, why don't we do special things for the person or people we love all year round? I'm not saying that every day deserves something special, but why can't we be more consistent in our actions?? Why don't we tell people what they mean to us all the time instead of special occasions or holidays??

One of my goals this year it so to really let the people I love, know how much they mean to me. I have so many amazingly, beautiful people in my life whom I rarely express how important they are to me. But that's gonna change now - I'm gonna make it a challenge for myself. Each day of February, I'm going to choose someone who's very close to me and let them know just how valuable they are to me. I encourage you to do the same - or something of the sort. It's amazing what a few words will do.

The relationship that changed my life

I wish I could say I've had my fair share of relationships in my life, but to be honest, I haven't ever been the type of girl that's dated around or always needed a boyfriend. Here or there I may have had a boyfriend, but let's be real - I can count the number on one hand. Some days this makes me insecure. I mean, is there something wrong me? You'd think by 23, I'd be in a serious relationship by now. I mean, I'd at least I'd hoped I would. It's kind of a hard pill to swallow, but then again I am only 23 and have my whole life ahead of me. Some days I feel really confident and unwilling to settle for anything less than I deserve. Those days are great.

The good news, there's hope. I've recently entered into a relationship that has changed my life. Each and every day I'm completely and totally romanced, feeling nothing but pure love and grace. I never face disappointment and I'm always taken care of. Have you figured it out yet? My relationship is with my Savior, Jesus.

Though it may sound corny to most, this is probably the most incredible relationship I've ever entered in. I mean, I was 100% pursued by God and the decision was left up to me if I wanted to pursue Him. Each and every day I'm blessed with the ability to spend time with Him, just as I would in any other relationship. I learn more about Him each day, but also about myself. I've found my value and worth in Him - it comes from no one else. He is my whole identity and the reason for my existence. I've learned a lot about myself including what it means to be a woman of God. I'm finding out how much I'm worth and also how much I deserve in an earthly relationship.

This relationship has been like nothing I've ever experienced before. I see my life differently now. I find myself striving to be like Christ and less of this world. Even my perspectives have changed for the better. It's just been incredible to find this great love and have Him with me always. The coolest thing is, I've never been as in love as I am right now.

Behavior Patterns

This was the title of my devotion today. A quick excerpt before I get to my point:

"Part of reckless abandonment is realizing how much our culture has affected our behavior patterns. You want to be Christlike, but your lifestyle is a reflection of Vogue or Cosmopolitan rather than a new creation in Christ. A.W. Tozer said 'A whole new generation of Christians has come up believing that it is possible to accept Christ without forsaking the world.'"

How scary is it, that we live in a world that tells us "Yea go ahead and believe in Jesus and even live for Him, but don't worry because it's okay to get drunk and sleep around too."
I think the really scary thing is, that so many Christians do live this way. I know I used too. I felt that as long as I had faith in Jesus I could also live in the world. I could still go out to parties and get drunk, I could gossip and slander in any which way I wanted to, but it was okay because you know, I had Jesus.

Not only was I deceiving myself, but I it just made me realize how little of Jesus I actually had. The more I read the Bible, the more I know that there is no neutral ground when it comes to faith and salvation. You either accept Jess as your Savior or you don't. There is no middle ground. What's tricky about this life and this generation, is that society has made a great push for us to believe there is. They spew lies saying that you can have it all and eventually saying that living in the world is better than living for Christ. And that's just not how it is. If you make a conscious effort to be with your Savior, you behavior patterns will begin to change - for the better if you're truly dedicated to His kingdom. I know I've experienced this firsthand pretty radically over the past six months. Do I still make mistakes? Of course. But I make the conscious effort to live differently than I ever have before.

There is no middle ground when it comes to Jesus. There's only Higher Ground that saves eternally. Check out James 1:22-25 to see the light on society's deception. There's some pretty awesome truth there.

Have you ever...

Have you ever had a dream so vivid you wake up emotionally charged (sad, happy, frustrated, angry, etc.) at either someone or something?

Have you ever had a day where you just feel so small and insignificant?

Have your insecurities ever been played upon so much that you feel alone and distant?




Well I have. All of three of things happened to me today. I had an extremely vivid dream last night that touched upon pretty much all of the major insecurities I have faced or currently face in my life. At one point, I was in a disagreement that seemed so real and was so frustrating that I actually woke up with tears in my eyes. When I eventually got back to sleep, my dream picked up where it left on and continued. All day today this dream has been replaying in my mind. In fact, I found myself thinking about it class missing a majority of my lecture. Even tonight before bed, it's still on my mind.

When I woke up today I didn't want the dream to end because I needed to see how it ended. Unfortunately, I didn't get to figure out. Which is also hard since I woke up at a really depressing point. In fact, it would almost make a good plot for a book and I've considered making it into a short story. It's just on my mind that much.

As a girl, I tend to be insecure about a multitude of things. As a Christian, I sometimes fall into insecurities with my faith. The last one is a little bit harder to swallow. Today I just feel so small and insignificant in this great big world and the great big Bible. Why would God choose to love me? Why send His Son for me? Why should I be worthy? It's a dangerous game to play. It's hard too because I don't doubt for a second that God loves me and will save me eternally one day. But on days like today each insecurity seems magnified beyond belief and somewhat significantly more important and a little bit harder to deal with.

I don't have an answer. But the Bible does. Thankfully, I read a lot of different verses that restore that assurance and security of faith in me. But it's hard to feel far from God. It's hard to feel broken. But how humbling it is to find God's strength in my weakness. I finally feel lifted out of this funk. As for the dream, I'm still trying to push it from my mind, but my reality is this: God is always there to comfort and fulfill even when you feel small and lonely.

Here we are again

At the start of another semester. And the last one that involves sitting in the classroom at JMU. Kind of hard to believe that we've made it this far already, but trust me I'm not complaining. When I think about all that 2012 holds, well there's a lot going. This is my last semester in-class at JMU, my last time hanging out with most of the girls from my program, my last time living in Harrisonburg (unless God decides otherwise). After this semester I move to Richmond for 3 months, I move to North Carolina for 3 months, I graduate, I try to find a job and a permanent place of residence --it's kind of crazy to think I'm going to grow up soon.

It's also kind of refreshing because instead of spending exorbitant amounts of money, I'll be making money. This year is really going to be a year of growth. I'll keep you updated on how it goes!