Recently, having experienced both the loss and heartbreak of people very close to me, I find myself looking for an outlet to write my words and thoughts down. One thing I've found, especially recently, is that keeping everything in is detrimental. So here's my outlet and here's today's fathomable thoughts.
My favorite quote for the past few months has been "You realize you're not alone right? No one in their twenties has life figured out. It's okay to be a mess. You're living." I find this not only soothing and comforting, but absolutely 100% true.
Over the past year, I've experienced many changes: a new job (twice), graduating college, moving out (twice), buying a new car, loss, death, and heartbreak. My confidence has been shaken, my trust broken, and my so called life turned upside down and inside out. All the while, life moves on waiting for no one. No matter the cause - death, heartbreak, stress, etc. These changes are enough to make one question their self worth and ability. And while I've often said that I don't feel like I have my life together, I never realized how far from the truth that really was.
I've always had an idea of what life would look like at 20, 25, 40 etc. And everything I imagined, has turned out differently than expected. I thought at 25, I would wildly successful at my job, in love or at least seriously dating someone, have my own place - basically everything that says success in today's world. So far, I find that it will probably be years before I'm anywhere near confident with my OT skills, experienced one hell of a heart break, and rent an apartment in my friend's house.
Tonight at a bar, my friends were talking with some guys. This 34 year old made the comment that he couldn't date anyone under the age of 28 because girls younger than that "don't know what they fucking want..." My friend's response was "Well, Tristan is 25, has her Master's degree and runs about 25 miles a week. I'd say she's pretty successful and knows what she wants..."
And that's when it dawned on me. Even when I feel that I don't have my shit together, I do. I've come a long way, worked really hard, and experienced a lot to make me who I am. I may be 25 and feel like a complete and total mess, but at least I'm living. And I'm the only one who can say whether it's right or wrong.
