Have you ever...

Have you ever had a dream so vivid you wake up emotionally charged (sad, happy, frustrated, angry, etc.) at either someone or something?

Have you ever had a day where you just feel so small and insignificant?

Have your insecurities ever been played upon so much that you feel alone and distant?




Well I have. All of three of things happened to me today. I had an extremely vivid dream last night that touched upon pretty much all of the major insecurities I have faced or currently face in my life. At one point, I was in a disagreement that seemed so real and was so frustrating that I actually woke up with tears in my eyes. When I eventually got back to sleep, my dream picked up where it left on and continued. All day today this dream has been replaying in my mind. In fact, I found myself thinking about it class missing a majority of my lecture. Even tonight before bed, it's still on my mind.

When I woke up today I didn't want the dream to end because I needed to see how it ended. Unfortunately, I didn't get to figure out. Which is also hard since I woke up at a really depressing point. In fact, it would almost make a good plot for a book and I've considered making it into a short story. It's just on my mind that much.

As a girl, I tend to be insecure about a multitude of things. As a Christian, I sometimes fall into insecurities with my faith. The last one is a little bit harder to swallow. Today I just feel so small and insignificant in this great big world and the great big Bible. Why would God choose to love me? Why send His Son for me? Why should I be worthy? It's a dangerous game to play. It's hard too because I don't doubt for a second that God loves me and will save me eternally one day. But on days like today each insecurity seems magnified beyond belief and somewhat significantly more important and a little bit harder to deal with.

I don't have an answer. But the Bible does. Thankfully, I read a lot of different verses that restore that assurance and security of faith in me. But it's hard to feel far from God. It's hard to feel broken. But how humbling it is to find God's strength in my weakness. I finally feel lifted out of this funk. As for the dream, I'm still trying to push it from my mind, but my reality is this: God is always there to comfort and fulfill even when you feel small and lonely.