Faith - it's hard to talk about

First of all, I'd like to point out that while today is Cyber Monday, the only shopping I've done today was for groceries. I'd like to point this out since it sometimes seems that I have a bit of an obsessive shopping compulsion. However, I've really cut back and made a deal with myself about spending money. I've decided that it is okay to shop, but only if I'm willing to put the same amount of money into the offering plate. This doesn't apply to gas, groceries, or bills but to all other non-necessary purchases.

Secondly, I'm in the midst of procrastinating on some serious assignments. This week is just a little ridiculous with the amount of work that I have. I'm just trying to remember that God provides rest and peace to those who ask for it. "You have not, cause you ask not" is a common phrase my pastor repeats as church. Well, I am definitely asking for it this week.

Thirdly, just some food for thought. Last night at the college/career group, we discussed faith and why it's so difficult to talk about. As pointed out, how is that we can go on and on about our favorite athletes/sports, musicians, books, etc. but when it comes to faith, we get quiet?

Here's what I think:

1. For me, discussing my faith with Christians comes easily. I'm not proud of where I came from or some of the decisions I've made, but I know I don't have to look back. I'm proud of the decisions I'm making right now, despite how difficult this path is for me. This is not hard to talk about. Seriously, ask me anything and I'll be an open book. What is hard about it, is talking with people who don't believe in God. The fear of rejection is so great, that sometimes it feels overwhelming. This is hard for me because my whole identity is in Christ. Rejecting Christ, rejects who I am in my entirety. And that's a little bit scary.

2. We talked a little bit about how it's not an acceptable topic for society. We're so conscious not to step on anyone's toes and to be so politically correct, that we stray away from talking about the gospel. The problem is, our society needs us to step on someone's toes. This generation is so full of people who can't make up their minds about anything. Take for example, an invitation to a party, wedding, etc. We've gotten to the point where we don't want to say no because we may have an interest to go. But we can't say yes because then we're committed. Heaven forbid we actually take a side. But when it comes to salvation, we have to take a side. Comfortable or not, there are just some things that you can't be indifferent about. Jesus says "He is who is not with me, is against me...". Harsh? Maybe, but what's harsher? Having an uncomfortable conversation with someone now? Or watching judgement day unfold?

3. We've never really been taught how to approach the subject. While this may be true in some instances, I know from my own experiences that God provides us with opportunities to talk and share with others. To be honest, I feel inadequate and unworthy, not to mention uncomfortable, sharing the gospel (see reasons 1 & 2), but God has a perfect plan and no matter how bad I think I am explaining whatever it is that God lays on my heart, His point will get across.

Then again, this is all easy to say sitting behind the computer screen. :)

A little bit of vulnerability

Lord,
Help me be earnest with my words.
Help me understand what it means to seek You with everything I have.
I want my prayers and intentions to be pure and genuine.

But some days it's hard for me to feel You.
I know You're still there, and You still love me.
I know Your love for me is forever strong.
But I know You're not just an emotion.
You're an action.
Loving You and living for You doesn't always mean that every quiet time will result in a spiritual revelation.
There won't always be that feeling of closeness and awe.

But it's knowing that faith is greater than how I'm feeling or how I'm not feeling.
It's loving You despite my insecurities.
It's searching for You in a crowded room of loneliness.
It's choosing to live for You each and every day knowing that I'll still struggle.
Help me overcome my insecurities and know that it's just You and it's always only ever been You.

So much to be thankful for

Thanksgiving is an amazing holiday. People around the world take the time to sit with one another, friends and families, share good food, great company and talk about the blessings they receive throughout the year. The only downside to Thanksgiving is that we don't give thanks all year around. Shouldn't we rejoice in our blessings and triumph through our struggles all year long? Aside from that, it truly is one of the best holidays.

And I have a lot to be thankful for. This year, I am most thankful for the relationship that I have with Jesus. This has been the first year in a long time where I've really invested in my faith and actually desired to create a deeper relationship with my Savior. I'm so thankful for my salvation and the fact that Jesus loves me so much, even though I am so unworthy.

I am thankful for my family and friends. Their love and support is what keeps me going each week. The fellowship that I have in my life with other Christians is amazing and I am so grateful for the ability to grow.

Lastly, though it may seem silly, I am thankful for the ability to run. It's really become something I love to do. Not only am I blessed to run 3-4 times a week, but I also get to share it with people whom I love. My life is blessed and I am thankful for all that I have.

I know that I may never have all I want in life, but I know God will provide me with all I need. That in itself is a blessing and reminds me to live each day thankfully.

Why hello there!

So I know it's been quite a while since I've posted last and that's mostly because I've been quite busy. Once life starts rolling, it doesn't stop for any one person. A little over a week or so ago (I can't really remember) I ran my second half marathon which went remarkably well. I trained a lot better for this one though I still didn't train enough. The good thing is, for the past year I've made it a steady habit to exercise 6 days a week. If nothing else, it helps keep my endurance up and get me in better shape.

Well the half was great. I was a little sore for a few days but nothing compared to some other, less extensive runs that I've ran. I think I went out for a run on Wednesday or Thursday just to get back into things. I ran yesterday too - an easy four mile run - to prepare for my 5k. Its kind of funny actually to think about running a 5k after running much longer races, but I'm excited about it. Bailey, my mom, and I are planning on running the Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving. My motto is to prepare for the race that's coming up. So for me, I've been thinking about the 5k and trying not to get to far ahead of myself with the 10 miler in 10 days. I did just notice that there is a half marathon in fredericksburg which is kind of cheap. I might end up doing it.

I've been out on break since Friday afternoon. I took the weekend off to enjoy time with my sisters, but today and yesterday were mostly catch up days for schoolwork. I'll take it though because it's time that I don't have to spend in class.

Not to much else is going. I did pass out in the shower today. Not really sure what that was about, but I figure it had something to do with the 2 hour workout and then 1 hour bath I had taken. Note to self: not a good/safe combination. I woke up in the shower with the water still on and I had cut my leg because I fell on my razor. Maybe that's too much information, but just words of advice...

Right now I'm about to catch up on three episodes of Glee cause my life has seriously been missing them.

Oh my favorite verse right now is this: The Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still. Exodus 14:14. It's been cool because Riley and I have been reading our bibles everyday and praying together. Let me tell you, never underestimate the prayers/strength of a child. God can do great things with children through their vulnerability and absolute truth. It's been awesome so far.

Plus I have a new fav. Christmas song, but I'll leave that for after Thanksgiving.

Happy Thanksgiving all!

The time I almost didn't go to church

Well, let's face it. There are, in reality, many times when I have no desire to go to church. Who wants to get up and go on your Sunday morning when you could be sleeping in? Not to mention when you go out of town, you have to plan to be back in time. My church (Valley Church) is awesome because they offer a 9:30, 11:30, and 6:00 service. It's nice because it makes it reasonable to still make it back in time for the services.

Now to back track a little bit I was completely and totally prepared to blog about the awesome half marathon weekend that I had. Just as I was totally prepared to skip the church service tonight. But as God often does, He planned something better. Instead of the usual sermon, we ended up worshiping instead. It was amazing and totally what my heart needed. I needed to be lost in His mercy and love. And the time I feel closest to God is when I'm worshiping Him.

These past few months have been hard on me. The more time I spend with God, the more I'm convicted of things in my life that aren't right. Each day is a new challenge to spend time in the word and coming humbly to Christ. But it is a challenge.

Right now I'm spiritually exhausted and humbly broken before Him. What I need is Christ. I need His love and mercy. And I need to be reminded of His goodness constantly. Not because I think I can get by without it, but because I know I can't.

And to think I almost didn't go to church today. Stay tuned for my marathon post later this week.

My life is pretty glamourous

Today is one of those days where I am pretty much loving life. I'm not sure if I'm still on my runner's high or maybe it's the caffeine that I've just ingested through my coffee cup, but seriously I am feeling like I am on top of the world.

I literally should not be blogging right now. I should probably be doing the tutorial homework that I forgot about until about - oh 15 minutes ago. Or I should be finishing my research matrix (yes it is as scary as it sounds) for my clinical application project on Friday. Not to mention the video reflection paper that I need to write for my group, the case study which I have yet to start, nor the numerous pages of readings that I stopped looking at months ago. Yet, I am filled with such a peace, a calmness, an overflowing love that just cannot break my spirit.

Despite all of that junk, each morning I wake up and get to spend time at the gym and with my Savior. I then get to go to class and play with kids, socialize with friends, and learn about my career. Afterwards, I have the ability to be productive and even do homework. And believe it or not, I always manage to make it to bed around 10 PM. My days are packed and long, but I seriously have the best life.

On top of all that, each week I get to have fellowship with other Christians where we can build each other up and pray for one another.

I'm also learning what it means to love like Jesus loved. It's not easy, but it's so worth it.

I'll leave you with this:

Real love is an action, not a feeling. It produces selfless, sacrificial giving. The greatest act of love is giving oneself for others.

Manic Monday Moment

"No body knows what we're for only against when we judge the wounded
What if we put down our signs crossed over the lines and loved like You did"

Just a line from one of my favorite Casting Crowns songs. It's called Jesus, friend of sinners. If you haven't heard it yet, check it out because it's pretty awesome. I love this line in particular because it really makes me do a double take when it comes to Christianity. So often we tell people what's wrong or what not to do, and we forget to make it a point to show them what we're standing for. What if we did put all our differences aside and just learn to love like Jesus did? Wouldn't we be much better witnesses for Christ? Wouldn't our enemies have a much harder time persecuting someone who showers them with love?

Another good line from the song is "help us all remember we are all the least of thieves". I'm no better than the next person. God doesn't measure sin by the what sin you've committed rather, that you've committed sin. In His eyes, we are all the same - sinners. Except that He sent His son to take our place so that one day we can live in righteousness. Yea, how great is my God?

Another good suggestion from the "Come to the well" album is So Far to Find You. Maybe I'm a hopeless romantic who enjoys a good love story, but this song is fantastic. Just in case you didn't know, this life has a happy ending/love story too. It starts in Matthew....

Faith - what does it look like to you?

In all seriousness, what does faith look like to you? A question posed at bible study tonight, has me thinking. It was discussed that faith is often associated with emotions and feelings. When we see God move in our lives, we often feel loved and blessed. But even in the times where we don't see God moving, well, He's still loving us. And He's still there. That's what faith is all about. Having the ability to believe in a God who is full of greatness even though we can't see Him. We talk about walking by faith, but what does that even mean?

For me, walking by faith is believing that God's plans are better than my own. He has a purpose for me, one that I don't always see. For me, faith is giving Him all the power and control and living according to His will. It's acknowledging that it may not always work out the way that I want it to, but I have no doubt that my needs will be met. Faith is trusting that God has all things under control at all times. It's the being able to get up every day - even the rough days - and meet with Him in my quiet times; it's Him loving me all the time despite my failures. It's the ability to pray and face the unknown; the act of being persecuted and sharing in His trials; it's learning to love even the most difficult people. Faith is a combination of things, but to me it's walking in a personal relationship with Christ each and every day.

The power of speech

Today my pastor said, "Jesus loves you just the way you are. But He loves you too much to leave you where you're at." He then proceeded to give a sermon on James 3 and how the tongue reflects the whole body. I sat in the pew in both amazement and disbelief because this week alone I've read through the book of James and 1 Peter - both have amazing insight on ways to speak.

Coincidence? I think not. I don't really believe there are such things as coincidence when it comes to God. I believe He has the unlimited power and ability to make these things happen. Sitting in that pew, He spoke to me today. I'm not going to rephrase or repeat the whole sermon because frankly, you might not be interested in that. But he did give 3 points that really hit home when it comes to our speech.

1. My tongue directs where I go

2. My tongue can destroy what I have

3. My tongue displays who I am

There is a lot of power in the words that we speak. One negative comment can resonate with a person for a lifetime, taking years to overcome the critic. I don't want to be one of those people who tears people down, I want to be uplifting and encouraging. Gossiping, slandering, cursing, yelling, all of these things do not show the love the God has offered me.

It's definitely going to be a long journey and a difficult struggle. But with God on my side, I'm hoping He can change my heart to reflect Him and not the causalities of this world.