Saturday, May 5, 2012

A little bit of distance...

...is never good in your relationship with God. Lately, I've had this feeling that I'm just not doing things right or there's something going on in my life that's got to change, because these past couple of weeks I have felt so far from God. I've felt that there's this distance between us that's limiting my ability to live full on for God every moment of every day. Granted, I've been busy and stressed with full time clinicals, half marathons, and exams, but that's no excuse. I'm still having my quiet times each morning. For me, it's a crucial way to start the day. It gets my mind focused on Christ and I feel that I'm better able to live for Him. But even in my quiet time something's missing. I don't want to say that God's a feeling, because He is SO MUCH MORE than that. But I can feel the difference of being in His presence and when I'm not. I think a lot of what I'm going through right now is that I'm really struggling for Christian fellowship. I haven't been to my OT bible study in a month and my college group just got started after a long absence. I'm not trying to point fingers, but being in a graduate program where there are so few believers makes it difficult for me not only to make the right decisions, but be held accountable for them. That's where the fellowship comes in, breaking up the monotony and being with people who hold the same values and ideas that I do - it's downright crucial for survival through this Christian walk. Today was the first time in weeks, where I had a quiet time where I felt so connected to God and in His presence. The best part - when I was praying and reading it wasn't about me at all. I was just giving honor and praise to God throughout everything - something I don't do enough. Even when I don't "feel" Him, I know He's there. There would be no way I could make it through everything I'm going through without Him. But there's something about being in His presence, that just makes you feel alive and on fire for God. Just food for thought.

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